Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
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Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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