My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
someone owes me an orgasm
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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