all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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