Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
