I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
