It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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