I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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