she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
