she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
