Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
