Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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