I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
