So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
