Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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