Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
