i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
