anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
