what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
