I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Oh god it's open bar.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
