Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
