girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
