Your tits are I can't wait for
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
