have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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