hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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