I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
