I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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