Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
only you would photoshop your dick
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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