I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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