Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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