I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
