We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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