I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
