god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
