I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
