Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
