I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
