Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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