He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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