then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
