It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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