Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
