But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
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I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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