She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
