even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
