Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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