this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
