i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
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#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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