Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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