There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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