We won't sleep together?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
