your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
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My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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