Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize