Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
