we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
