you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
