Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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