oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
