Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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