I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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