that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
