That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
