i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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