I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
