I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
