So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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