she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
