i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
