I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
