I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
