she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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