but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
