I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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