So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
