Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
