did you get engaged???
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize