My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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