How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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