So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
