I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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